You probably know someone whose relationship was the victim of infidelity – a husband had a string of affairs; a wife left her husband for another man. The people may even be co-workers or close friends. You just never thought it could happen to you but then you were told the horrible truth that your spouse or partner had been having an affair.
Your immediate response is probably anger, disbelief. You feel betrayed, hurt, embarrassed.
What could you have done differently? Were there signs that you missed? Is it your fault?
You are experiencing several different emotions at once and all of them are perfectly natural for you to feel.
And, more than likely, you may have told your family and a few close friends and are getting a lot of feedback as to what you should do. While they mean well, their advice and comments are not helpful and sometimes may cause more pain.
You need to leave him.
This is a decision only you can make.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
This is not necessarily the case and can be addressed with an experienced couple’s therapist.
How can you ever trust her again?
You can with counseling. It takes courage and determination to recover from such an emotional roller coaster. The process of trusting and re-building takes time, buts its possible. I am a living example of that!
If he loved you, he wouldn’t have cheated.
Love doesn’t have anything to do with it. Seriously – just because someone cheats, it doesn’t mean that they do not love the other person. There’s other factors involved.
There’s no easy way to deal with an affair other than just taking it head on.
But an affair doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship.
If you are committed to making it work, we can work together to help you get through this.
What makes someone have an affair? The reasons can vary depending on the individual and by gender. Your partner may not even know why he or she cheated and therapy helps them identify what caused their behavior. Finding better, healthier ways to communicate will also help you address future issues.
We can work on healing the trust, too. You can learn how to move beyond the pain and hurt as well as how to trust again. Trust is something that is earned, not just given, especially after infidelity occurs. We will work on becoming trustworthy again, too.
Overcoming an affair can be one of the biggest hurdles a marriage or a relationship can overcome. It takes being honest and fearless in facing your relationship with a counselor but it is do-able. There is a lot of work and it won’t always be easy but you can save your marriage and your relationship.
What if it really is over?
Sometimes, sadly, an affair occurs because the person has already checked out of the marriage. Maybe they were hoping to get caught so they would have an easy out in a way.
Or maybe there have been several affairs over the years and you’ve had enough. A person can only take so much, and if you have tried to overcome infidelity on your own, you may just be done.
If that is the case, we can work together to help you work towards healing and dealing with the emotions that you are facing following the end of your relationship. The end of a marriage can feel a lot like a death and there is a lot to process. And, there can be a lot to deal with from the past so you can find peace.
Whatever point you find yourself in your relationship following an affair, working with a therapist can help you move forward. When you’re ready, I am here to help.